Week 17: Sharpen your pencils

The OFFL Cup First Round is acoming

Managers of the Week are Russell Bielby and Edgar Rayner.  Their Livercoolio and Moreton Rovers respectively are shooting up the charts and now occupy places Fifth and Ninth.

Next week's Table standings will be used to distribute the teams into the first round groups of the OFFL Cup stage from which six teams will be eliminated.

Sharpen your transfer slip pencil.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 51.5 13 175
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.7  2 144
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8  4 136
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9  4 130
 5 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 16 129
 6 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    52.1 11 128
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.9 10 127
 8 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 11 126
 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 16 122
10 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  5 122
11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.2 11 119
12 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.2 15 106
13 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0 -2 105
14 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  7 104
15 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  2 102
16 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     52.0 11  96
17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  1  95
18 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    51.5  8  83
19 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  5  81
20 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3 13  80
21 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  2  60
22 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    53.7 -2  52


                              Week's Average Points     7
                              Total Average Points    110
---

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

RS-TBOY
-------------------
   From: Richard Beecroft 
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Subs

Chairman ,

Crazy Changes, Crazy

OUT
3 245   FB  C Azpilicueta     CHE   4.6
5 302   CB  L Koscielny       ARS   4.5
6 558   MF  D Payet           WH    4.0
11 624   ST  A Sanchez         ARS   7.5

IN
280 FB A Kolarov     MC   £4.6
342 CB C Smalling    MU   £4.3
719 ST R Lukaku      EVE  £6.8
516 MF R Barkley     EVE  £4.1

Kind Regards

Rick

=============================
After deadline...

Bad Wolf United
-------------------
   From: Karyn Meaden
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Karyn's goalie sub


Hi Mr [Chair],

Can you please subsitute Howard for the Southampton keeper for Karyn

139 GK T Howard      EVE  £3.8           5   3


Cheers


=============================

Week 15 & 16: NOW can I have my Beano?

Like a stroppy teenager naively flaunting its newly found pseudo-independence, Studmarks strolls nonchalantly back into your inbox without a hint of an explanation of where it has been since you let go of its hand at the checkout while you fished out the correct coins to pay for its usual copy of The Beano.

We shall wait till our father gets home for the punishment, yes.

NOW can we have our Beano please, Mum?

Manager of the Week this week is Jon King.  His Moobchester United scored a wobblingly chubbing 21 points pushing his Moobs up firmly into sixth.  Not a bad platform for this week's transfers, eh Mr King?

And OFFL Cup News... Genuine prize in the offing for OFFL Cup this year, as donated to the cause by a current manager who wishes to remain blameless - Ali McMoist's. The autobiography of the current Manchester United Manager, Louis Van Goal.  Brand new copy and everything.  Unfingered. Unsoiled. And for those who have received their OFFL Cup Winners prizes in the past: Unbelievable.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 49.8 19 162
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 11 142
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 20 132
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 18 126
 5 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    52.1 20 117
 6 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 21 117
 7 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 15 117
 8 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 12 115
 9 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7  7 113
10 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.2  4 108
11 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  9 107
12 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 16 106
13 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9 11 100
14 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 12  97
15 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  9  94
16 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  53.2  3  91
17 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     52.0 13  85
18 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 11  76
19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    51.5 12  75
20 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3  9  67
21 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  0  58
22 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    53.7  2  54


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points    102

---

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Com-a ma mau papa com-a mau
-------------------
   From: Guy Harewood
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

'Ey up,

Out Redmond - In Coutinho 459
Out Fonte - In Smalling 342

Ta,

Ray

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You're welcome.

=============================
For Monday 23rd November...

Pyeators
-------------------
   From: Dave Clayton
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 


Hi Mr Chairman sir,

I've had a sneaky tip about an up and coming hot talent and i'd like to get him in my side before anyone else jumps on the bandwagon!!! Can you please transfer;

Payet 558 Out - Mahrez 445 In

Cheers

Dave.

----------------------
Chairman responds:
This is sensible transferage like I've never seen.

And if anyone's never seen it, it's me.

=============================

Moobchester United
-------------------
   From: Jon King
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Transfers


Hi Chair,

Hope all is well with you.

Every week I think I must transfer out Luke Shaw, and sure enough, every week on a Monday evening I think blast I've forgotten to do transfers again.  This week though I have remembered.  So here they are:

Out:
129 Fabianski
275 Shaw
440 Montero

In:
189 De Gea
264 Walker
445 Mahrez

Regards,

Jon
----------------------
Chairman responds:
You're shaw about Luke Sure, aren't you?  And FlappyHandski?  Of course you are.  Time to climb [the table]!

=============================

Minty's Minions
-------------------
   From: Minty Colquhoun
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Ey, up

Out Payet - In Coutinho 459
Out Benteke - In Kane 603

Ta,

Mint

----------------------
Chairman responds:

You and Guy Harewood use the same PR Agency don't you?

Week 14: Moving swiftly on

Managers of the Week for Week 14 are Dave Clayton and Mike Smears.  Their Pyeators and Irishpool respectively both notched up 15 points.

Moving swiftly on...

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 49.8  8 143
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 15 131
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8  7 112
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9  6 108
 5 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 10 106
 6 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.2 13 104
 7 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  5 103
 8 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 14 102
 9 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  1  98
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    50.8 11  97
11 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  3  96
12 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  6  90
13 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  5  89
14 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.8  5  88
15 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  5  85
16 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  7  85
17 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     52.0 15  72
18 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 -2  65
19 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    51.5 12  63
20 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  2  58
21 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3  9  58
22 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  5  52


                              Week's Average Points     7
                              Total Average Points     91
---

Week 13: Major Movements

Leicester's Reg Vardy: making a few more appearances.

As Minty's Minions open up a 19 point gap at the top of the table, there's been some major movement in the transfer market this week with Messrs Reg Vardy LEI, Lion's Mane SOT and Mahrez LEI making a few more appearances in the Teams Section.  This means that certain managers are really motoring through their Transfer Quota for the season.

TABLE TO SHOW TRANSFERS REMAINING [TR] 
--------------------------------------
Specifically For Teams Without The Full Quota Of Transfers Remaining [12]

Rnk/Name                      Manager         Value TR
------------------------------------------------------
 7 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7   5
20 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    51.5   5
18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     52.0   6
 9 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.2   7
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9   8
11 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    50.8   8
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8   9
14 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.8   9
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 49.8   10
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9   10
 6 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0   11

Interesting to see that current Champions, Livercoolio, are the most trigger-happy with those transfer bullets.  Is this Desperation in action?

Yes.  Yes, it is.

Meanwhile, Rachel Jones waves her Manager of the Week certificate like a delieriously happy A Level student with a results slip full of A's.  Congratulations Ma'am, your Which Team conjured up a large 20 points for you, pushing you up two places into Fifteenth.

Carry on everyone.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 49.8 19 135
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9  1 116
 3 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 12 105
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9  3 102
 5 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 13  98
 6 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0 -1  97
 7 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 17  96
 8 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  7  93
 9 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   52.2 16  91
10 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 12  88
11 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.9  7  86
12 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  0  84
13 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  9  84
14 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.8  5  83
15 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 20  80
16 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 11  78
17 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  4  67
18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.5  9  57
19 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6 13  56
20 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3 16  49
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  4  47
22 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  3  47


                              Week's Average Points     9
                              Total Average Points     83



---

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Moreton Rovers
-------------------
   From: Edgar Rayner
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Re: Winning MotW

Second time this season, the team are starting to gel nicely!

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Best not look at this week's weekly score, eh?

=============================

RS-TBOY
-------------------
   From: Rick Beecroft
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Hi [Chair],

Injury subs for the next month… got to be done (reluctantly)

OUT
Aguero
Chadli

IN
603 Kane
443 Mahrez

Cinkyou pleze

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You little tinkerer. 7 transfers remaining.

=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Right Mr Presidente!!!

Ive had enough of the impertinence of these young managers who are forcing Irishpool into lowly 99th place - same as my age - and so with the following transfers I propose to begin my steep climb to my rightful position at the head of OFFL.

Therefore, please be so good, Young Man, as to implement the following.

Yours preposterously

Bristling from Bassett

OUT
253 Zabaleta
425 Ramsey
621 Gomis

IN
266 Sagna
553 Sigurdsson
614 Vardy

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Interesting swappage.  Do you know something about Sigurdsson that we don't?  Nice intel' if so.  A sorry shake of the head if not.

=============================

Com-a ma mau papa com-a mau
-------------------
   From: GUY HAREWOOD
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

OK Chair chimp,

Time for a few more changes.

In with Vardy (614) out with Rooney.
In with De Gea (189) out with Courtois.
In with Bellerin (278) out with Ivanovic.

Cheers,

Ray

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Ivanovic going, is he?  About bloody

=============================

Real Macdrid
-------------------
   From: Craig McHugh
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Mr Chairman

Think i need to make a few changes your honour… I’ve some right criminals on the team at the moment..

Out 
245   FB  C Azpilicueta
226   FB  N Clyne 
353   CB  J Lescott
581   MF  S Sidwell
541   MF  J Walters
621   ST  B Gomis
684   ST  S Aguero 

In
249   FB  G Johnson
241   FB  A Cresswell
336   CB  V Kompany
465   MF  S Mane
445   MF R Mahrez
645   ST A Ayew
624   ST A Sanchez

The prosecution here rests...

Craig McHugh

----------------------
Chairman responds:
I think they made a special appearance on last month's Crimewatch, in fact.

=============================

Week 12: Local Hero

You can't miss it.

Mr Edgar Rayner is this week's Manager of the Week with his Moreton Rovers scoring a rather large 18 points.  This pushes him into eighth, a magnetic rise of six places.  Putting North Moreton on the map there.

Near Didcot.

(Which is near Oxford)

(Big Chubby Chimneys amongst the hills along the A34 in Oxfordshire and that)

As I say... On. The. Map.

Congratulations, by the by, to Minty Colquhoun who was the first manager to get to 100 points last week.  But does she rest on her Stan Laurels, kick back and enjoy the view from the top for a bit?  Does she heck... she only goes and makes some transfers [see below].

She's good that one.  Somebody watch her will you?

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 16 116

 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 17 115

 3 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 10  99

 4 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  9  98

 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 12  93

 6 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  9  86

 7 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  4  85

 8 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 18  84

 9 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.9  8  79

10 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 11  79

11 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.8  5  78

12 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 11  76

13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9  7  75

14 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  8  75

15 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  1  67

16 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  7  63

17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  6  60

18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.5 10  48

19 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  3  44

20 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  9  43

21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  7  43

22 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3 17  33

                              Week's Average Points     9

                              Total Average Points     74

---

-----------------------------

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

=============================

RS-TBOY

-------------------

   From: Rick Beecroft

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

Hi [Chair],

Injury subs for the next month… got to be done (reluctantly)

OUT

Aguero

Chadli

IN

603 Kane

445 Mahrez

Cinkyou pleze

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Getting Kaned.  As usual.

=============================

Minty's Minions

-------------------

   From: Minty Colquhoun

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

OUT

Walcott

Aguero

IN

558 Payet

614 Vardy

----------------------

Chairman responds:

So wise.  So, so wise.

=============================

Week10 & 11: Grieving for the Brodge.

Time's up, Mr Brendans.  Get out.

Rumour has it that these are troubled times over at Livercoolio HQ.  The Bright New Dawn that was The Brodge [a.k.a. Rodger Brendans] at Liverpool has turned into an afternoon of muddy, slushy disappointment.  Chin up though, Mr Big Fan Bielby.  The German's are coming to save the day.  At least Herr Klopp is a tad more entertaining than Mr Brendans in front of the Match of the Day cameras.

And that was reason enough to get rid of him in our book.  But how is the BRuss coping at the helm of Livercoolio?

Well according to close colleague and former friend Rick Beecroft [RS-TBoy],

"He thinks he’s bearing up ok… Showing no signs of weakness... in conversation but it’s a ‘press conference mask’. Given the fact he’s subbed half of his squad already… we know there are grass root problems at Livercoolio HQ.  First year we've not had a tenner on it and look how it shows... Brodge had to go, Russ reckons he should have had more time – more time to what? Lose more weight?"

...a stinging assessment for sure.  And one that was made before it was revealed that Russell Bielby is this week's Manager of the Week.

Yes. Livercoolio scored a Russnificent 24 points. In view of the fact that Mr Bielby didn't win a single Manager of the Week certificate on his way to winning the Championship last season we can't help but think that this minor victory hasn't put the kibosh on this season's 'project' for glory.

He can't make it three seasons in a row can he?

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 11 100
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 12  98
 3 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 16  89
 4 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  4  89
 5 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 21  81
 6 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 11  81
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  77
 8 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  7  73
 9 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.9 16  71
10 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9 16  68
11 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 24  68
12 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  1  67
13 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 21  66
14 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  4  66
15 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 10  65
16 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  8  56
17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  5  54
18 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  3  41
19 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.5 12  38
20 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2 13  36
21 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  9  34
22 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3 16  16


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points     65

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Honourable Mr President

How can I fail to respond to your hint? Let Aguero be recruited. Not being one of those who think all ills are cured by sacking the manager [no, I don’t agree with their decision] I shall shift the team around.

So, Young Man, please be so good as to effect the following transfers. I do not wish Irishpool to linger in this lowly position any longer.

IN
492 Milner
684 Aguero

OUT
543 Oscar
738 Benteke.

And I shall expect an elevated league position in future

Thank you as always, 

Bombastic from Bassett


=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dear Mr Presidente

OOps!

What are the rules - may i change my mind about my proposed transfer as we haven’t reached Monday?

Hearing that Aguero has been injured, may I withdraw my change, thus:

OUT
684 Aguero

IN
624 Sanchez

Yours humbly (for once)

Bedraggled of Bassett


----------------------
Chairman responds:
That's more like it.  Bit of pleading goes a long way.

=============================

Oak Hamsters
-------------------
   From: Steve Tierney
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Late, Late, Late

Hey [HRH Chairman]

Here is my ridiculously LATE LATE LATE team for the league. If I don’t come last it will be an achievement. Plus – your spreadsheet is bust...so i had to cobble it together...if there are any errors, it’s not my fault.

So, presenting to you.....OAK HAMSTERS

POSITION PIN NAME TEAM VALUE
GK 121 J Hart MC 4.3
FB 206 Monreal ARS 4.3
FB 270 Darmian MU 4.3
CB 384 Dier TOT 4.1
CB 336 Kompany MC 4.6
MF 575 Walcott ARS 5.4
MF 516 Barkley EVE 4.1
MF 445 Mahrez LEI 3.8
MF 836 De BruyneMC 5.4
ST 633 Pelle SOT 6.5
ST 614 Vardy LEI 5.6

Good luck to me x

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Spreadsheet is not bust.  It can't be.  You're obviously a bit mad.  Welcome to the OFFL.

=============================

Oak Hamsters
-------------------
   From: Steve Tierney
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Oops - clearly 3 X man city players doesn't work.

Can you take out de bruyne 836 and pop in

465 Mane SOT

I think I'm legal

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You'll never be fully legal.

=============================

Neil's Diamonds
-------------------
   From: Neil McConaghy
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Transfers Please.

Dear Chairman

I have returned from my brief spell of (successfully) coaching the English rugby team out of contention for the World Cup. With those targets met, I am able to return all of my attention to Neil's Diamonds and I see that I need to make some changes:

Out:
117  F Forster   
322  P Jones 
483  J Shelvey   

In:
114 H Lloris
331 S Dann
465 S Mane

Thanking you

Mr Diamonds

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Well, congratulations.  May you repeat your losing feat for the Diamonds.  Looks like you're trying very hard at least.  Dann?  Lloris?  Madness.

=============================