Week 07: No 'Manager of the Week' for Minty Shock

Minions Fail to Deliver Manager of the Week

Manager of the Week this week is NOT Minty Colquhoun.  Which is all some of us need to know.  Tradition has it however that the ACTUAL Manager of the Month step forward and thus, forward-stepping, comes Edgar Rayner.  His Moreton Rovers have scored a massive 15 points, moving themselves up five places into ninth in the league.

Congratulations Mr Rayner.  S'marvellous.

Now if you could all just settle down and get some sleep, the management would be most grateful.


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T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0  9  57
 2 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 14  49
 3 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 11  48
 4 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 13  42
 5 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  9  42
 6 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  5  36
 7 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  5  36
 8 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9 10  36
 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 15  33
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7 11  33
11 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  4  33
12 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 14  30
13 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  5  26
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 12  24
15 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 14  23
16 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  1  23
17 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8 11  21
18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4  1  20
19 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  3  19
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 11  19
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  6   9


                              Week's Average Points     8
                              Total Average Points     31

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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
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Guess Hughton
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   From: Nick Reed
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Hmm - Guess Hughton not matching up to the performance of it's namesakes' charges. Do I prefer that or personal glory? Good question; let's see if these changes can help bring the latter too...
Schweinsteiger (what was I thinking!?) and Bolasie out
Payet (558) and Barkley (516) in
Thanks
Nick

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Chairman responds:
You're going to be UNBEARABLE if Brighton & Hove Albion get promoted to the Premiership at the end of this season, aren't you?

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Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dammit, Mr President!

First you change the rules and then you go and injure one of my players. Intolerable.

Please be so good as to make the following transfer, Young Man. And I shall monitor your future behaviour.

OUT 
275 Shaw

IN 
270 Darmian


Yours bombastically

Bristling from Bassett.

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Chairman responds:
I look forward to being thoroughly monitored.

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Livercoolio
-------------------
   From: Russell Bielby
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: LIVERCOOLIO TRANSFERS PLEASE

Hello Mr Chairman,

I hope this email finds you well.

Now that I have got my voice back (been suffering from early season shock)… and to clear the air… I am not in the slightest bit bitter that the rule of “the season will start after the second Saturday” changed without notification. I mean I am quite simply just not a sore loser at all… I think it was a perfectly reasonable change without telling anyone.

To more serious matters… unfortunately the COOLIO team is not performing to expectations at the moment so me and “The Brodge” have joined forces to try and save our heads from getting an early chop. Here goes…

OUT
GK 141 S Given STO £3.3
MF 473 M Depay MU £5.4
MF 583 M Albrighton LEI £3.6
MF 555 R Firmino LIV £4.8
ST 624 A Sanchez ARS £7.5
ST 684 S Aguero MC £8.4

IN
GK 138 P Cech ARS £4.2
MF 445 R Mahrez LEI £3.8
MF 517 E Hazard CHE £6.8
MF 836 K De Bruyne MC £5.4
ST 843 A Martial MU £6.9
ST 607 C Wilson BOU £5.6

Look forward to some more rules breaking though soon – maybe a triple points weekend, or perhaps a no points for northerners weekend or Random Bonus Week would be good suggestions ;) hehe

Ya friendly not bitter (no not at all) scouse
The BRussell J

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Chairman responds:
I sense much anger in you.  TRIPLE POINT WEEKEND COMING SOON!

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Inter Milandrover
-------------------
   From: Smasher
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

Lescott OUT
388 MacAuley IN

Henderson OUT
506 Walcott IN

Rooney OUT
843 Martial IN

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Chairman responds:
Dull, dull, dull.

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Week 05 & 06: Bunch of Currants

Well this is quite something... Minty Colquhoun is Manager of the Week yet again.  And this week, it's by quite some distance.  18 points for her Minions which is nearly twice as many as the nearest challenger to the Certificate.  She breezes past Neil's tarnished Diamonds into First place in the League.

While that first paragraph didn't quite live up to its opening sentence, we can point out that Livercoolio, our current Champions, are currently mirroring the current Premiership's current Champions' current fortunes, currantly.  They have again achieved a minus score.

Raisin hopes for this season's pretenders to the sultanate.

In fact, we've just heard it through the OFFL Grapevine that giggling can be heard from Beeky Towers.

And just as Mike Smears dispatches his first Rant of the Season [see below] his Irishpool have jumped up five places in the League, more than any other.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 18  48
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9  9  37
 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3  9  35
 4 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  1  33
 5 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  8  31
 6 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  4  31
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  29
 8 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  9  29
 9 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  4  26
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7  6  22
11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  0  22
12 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  2  21
13 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4 10  19
14 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  5  18
15 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  7  16
16 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  3  16
17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  9  12
18 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8 -2  10
19 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 -1   9
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  2   8
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  1   3


                              Week's Average Points     5
                              Total Average Points     22


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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
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Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Señor presidente

This is monstrous! No sooner had my zimmer frame touched the ground, after a frantic interlude lying on a beach for 6 weeks, than I switched on the gas and made for the computer - only to find that you had once again allowed these young managers to start scoring points in my absence. Outrageous!

But it is no good reaching the age of 98 without becoming more cunning: I have found a solution. Having studied your rules, I find that nowhere do they specify that you have to include a goalie and defenders in your team. So I shall transfer all of them out and have 11 strikers. That will increase my goal tally and avoid any minus points for goals conceded.

So THERE, young man!

Bristling from Bassett

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Chairman responds:
Amendments have been made.  Now eat up your breakfast and read the paper.

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OFFL Cup Winners Prize Received

Champ-io-nes! The Office Fantasy Football League champions 2014-2015, many thanks Chairman Smash O'Little!
Posted by Alun Edwards on Thursday, 3 September 2015

Week 04: Formal Apology

After the publication of last week's Studmarks, social media has been aflame with criticism of The OFFL and, in particular, OMG Chairman.  The pressure has been so intense for an apology to be issued that the Chairman called us after a mysterious prang in his little silver Nissan Micra to request that we publish the following statement

---

Dear OFFL Public 

It has come to my attention that Week 3's edition of Studmarks may have caused offence and annoyance. 

It was never our intention to imply that Norbert Dentressangle is guilty of smuggling Asylum Seekers illegally into a country that is so openly unsympathetic to the needs of such desperate human beings. This will not happen again. 

We hope you find this free online voucher code for Shamazon.con satisfactory compensation for the ordeal you have suffered.  Redeem at checkout. 

Yours sincerely, The OFFL Chairman

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Pressure was applied to the Chairman

And there you have it.  Hopefully sincere enough to avoid any further dirtiness.

In the meantime, Manager of the Week this week is Alun Edwards.  Alun's Radnorshire Tigers scored an impressive 18 points earning him the much-coveted Manager of the Week certificate.

It's in the post, Alun.  And you've climbed eight places in the League.

Worthy of note is The First Transfer Of The Season Award which mockingly goes to Dave Clayton - mind you, one little look at his original team line-up and you're beginning to feel a lot of sympathy for him.

Oh and yes, MUST mention before we go... Current OFFL Champion Russ Bielby's weekly score... just saying and that, innit.  A subsequent fall of seven places has been experienced.

Marvellous stuff everyone, keep it up do.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  5  32
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 10  30
 3 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    54.9 13  28
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6 14  27
 5 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 18  26
 6 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 10  23
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  7  22
 8 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  4  22
 9 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10  20
10 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  19
11 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  9  19
12 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7  2  16
13 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 10  13
14 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  9  13
15 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  4  12
16 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 -1  10
17 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  9   9
18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4  9   9
19 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  6   6
20 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  3   3
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  6   2


                              Week's Average Points     7
                              Total Average Points     17


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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
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Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Esteemed Señor presidente!

Yeah, I’m back. I hope your summer was good -ours was pretty fine, weather a bit too good for once. But when it was too hot for touring it meant I had leisure hours to think up my new team.

Sadly at 99 years old, I am finding the challenge of websites, excel and tables defeats me. So may I humbly ask your assistance to load my selections up, please?  

[Team Supplied]

I’m sorry I don’t have time for a rant just now but I’ll see if I can manage one the next week!

Thanks very much indeed for setting all this up and organising it. Hours of harmless pleasure lie ahead.  

With all very good wishes to you and family

Mike

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Glad you could join us, Sir.  The OFFL isn't quite the same without your regular venting of outrage.  I'm glad you enjoy it.

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Guess Houghton
-------------------
   From: Nick Reed
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Hi Mr Chairman,

Was perusing my no-hopers and noticed that I have somehow gained Pedro in a cheeky 4-5-1 formation. Given his performance this week, I'm quite happy with that, however, I think on balance I'd prefer Costa in the regular 4-4-2...

Thanks Mr Chairman!

Nick

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Nothing to see here. Move along.

[MUFFLED SOUNDS OF A STRUGGLE INVOLVING BARE HANDS AND AN UMPA LUMPA'S THROAT]

----------------------
Nick responds:
Good discipline Mr Chairman, keep it up...

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Pyeators
-------------------
   From: Dave Clayton
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

PANIC PANIC PANIC !!!

Good evening Mr Chairman sir, changes must be made at this stupidly early time of the season i'm afraid......

205 Francis out - 270 Darmian in
304 Terry out - 336 Kompany in
420 Adam out - 558 Payet in
506 Walcott out - 417 Redmond in

Many thanks and big love! 

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Well, I can understand it.  But well, really! Are four weeks truly long enough to evaluate a player's point-scoring credentials?  In your case, I suppose it is.


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