Gavin Ward and Alun Edwards are the Managers of the Week this week helping their respective Seb Blattered Cod and Radnorshire Tigers through to the next round of the OFFL Cup. Congratulations both. 18 points each.
But, yes, what of the cup? Any Oxford/Swansea-type shocks?
Well YES as it happens...
Runaway League Leaders, Minty's Minions CRASH OUT of the OFFL Cup after two weeks' worth of scores. Minty Colquhoun will not be Doing The Double with her Minions this season in spite of being over 30 points ahead of the chasing pack in the League table. Minty's miserly score of 5 meagre points last week was only enough to finish 2nd from bottom of Group A, which means She and her wannabe-Champions are OUT.
Oh Yoo Tee spells OUT.
Not through. Not qualified. Exited. You are naturally inconsolable. We know you had your heart set on that Louis Van Goal biography.
But what of the rest of you?
========
OFFL Cup
--------
First Round Group Stage Results
Group A Value Wk21 Wk22 Total
---------------------------------------------------
Which Team 53.3 21 13 34
Seb Blattered Cod 52.0 15 18 33
The Flying Geese 53.9 16 10 26
Moobchester United 54.9 19 7 26
Minty's Minions 51.5 17 5 22 Out
It's a Snickers FC 51.7 10 10 20 Out
Group B Value Wk21 Wk22 Total
---------------------------------------------------
Radnorshire Tigers 50.7 20 18 38
Livercoolio 54.7 14 13 27
Moreton Rovers 54.6 15 9 24
Pyeators 53.7 15 3 18
Bad Wolf United 54.1 4 9 13 Out
Irishpool 50.3 5 7 12 Out
Group C Value Wk21 Wk22 Total
---------------------------------------------------
Guess Hughton 53.9 28 15 43
Old Malcolm Academicals 54.8 19 12 31
Inter Milandrover 54.8 17 10 27
Oak Hamsters 51.6 13 8 21
Real Mcdrid 51.5 11 5 16 Out
Group D Value Wk21 Wk22 Total
---------------------------------------------------
Neil's Diamonds 53.2 32 8 40
RS-TBOY 51.4 25 10 35
Ali McMoist 51.1 25 9 34
Moanchester United 54.9 20 12 32
Com-a ma mau papa com-a mau 53.5 9 6 15 Out
So there you have it, commiserations to Guy 'Bird is the Word' Harewood, Craig 'Zizou' McHugh, Mike 'Rantathlete' Smears, Karyn 'Prattwoman' Meaden*, Ashley 'Not Again' Keeler and Minty 'What How Come' Colquhoun. Take comfort from the fact that you're not alone in your total failure to lift the Cup this season. You can be failures together.
*Congratulations, however, for hitching yourself to manager of Old Malcolm Academicals, Malcolm Pratt, Mrs Pratt.
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 51.5 5 232
2 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.8 10 201
3 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 51.4 10 195
4 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.7 13 191
5 Moobchester United Jon King 54.9 7 189
6 Pyeators Dave Clayton 53.7 3 188
7 Guess Hughton Nick Reed 53.9 15 183
8 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood 53.5 6 178
9 Seb Blattered Cod Gavin Ward 52.0 18 177
10 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 53.2 8 175
11 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 50.7 18 163
12 Old Malcolm Academicals Malcolm Pratt 54.8 12 161
13 Moreton Rovers Edgar Rayner 54.6 9 158
14 Which Team Rachel Jones 53.3 13 153
15 Ali McMoist Alison Faulkner 51.1 9 152
16 The Flying Geese Mandy Noble 53.9 10 148
17 Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 51.5 5 146
18 Oak Hamsters Steve Tierney 51.6 8 146
19 Moanchester United Alex Blundell 54.9 12 127
20 Irishpool Mike Smears 50.3 7 122
21 It's a Snickers FC Ashley Keeler 51.7 10 98
22 Bad Wolf United Karyn Meaden 54.1 9 67
Week's Average Points 9
Total Average Points 161
-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f
=============================
RS-TBOY
-------------------
From: Rick Beecroft
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Merry New Year chief, hope you had a good one
Sub time
OUT
492 MF J Milner LIV 4.2
IN
575 MF M Ozil ARS 5.5
Kind Regards
Rick
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Transfer complete. Not really interesting to note: you still wouldn't be top if you'd had Ozil from the beginning of the season.
=============================
Which Team
-------------------
From: Rachel Jones
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Rayner.. only 9 behind you now!!!
With best regards,
Rachel Jones
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Bants.
=============================
Minty's Minions
-------------------
From: Minty Colquhoun
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
I know this is tempting fate, especially as I'm top of the league and yet know nothing about football . . . but can I have Jordan Graham from Wolves on my team please? I understand from my recent sojourn in the West Midlands that they beat Brighton 1 - 0 (away) which seemed to excite the entire household!
Lovely.
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Congratulations, you win Star Email of the Week.
=============================
Flying Geese
-------------------
From: Mandy Noble
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Happy New Year!!!
Please could I make some transfers for my very sorry state of a team.
OUT – CB - Jagielka – 338 – CHE
IN – CB - SMALLING – 342 – MU
OUT – FB – HAZARD – 517 – CHE
IN – FB – OZEL – 375 – ARS
OUT – ST – BERAHINO – 736 – WBA
IN – ST – VARDY – 614 – LEICS
OUT – FB – CLYNE – 226 – LIV
IN – FB – KOLAROV – 280 – MC
Ta very much!
Mandy
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Transfer Complete. It still looks like your team is Puncheon above its weight.
=============================
Pyeators
-------------------
From: Dave Clayton
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Dear Mr Chairman Sir, Happy New Year to you and your Umperlumpers!
New Year, new squad (well almost)! The transfer window is open and so is your wallet!
Out 228 Coleman in 245 Azpilicueta
Out 336 Kompany In 396 Vertongen
Out 465 Mane In 836 De Bruyne
Out 417 Redmond in 575 Ozil
Out 473 Depay In 558 Payet
Many Thanks
Dave Pyeating Clayton
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Transfers Complete. You now have just the two transfers remaining. Happy New Year to you too. Two remaining. Two.
=============================
Showing posts with label Alun Edwards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alun Edwards. Show all posts
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
Monday, 14 December 2015
Week 19: Cup Prep
Rick Beecroft and Alun Edwards please awkwardly step forward to jointly accept your Manager of the Week certificate.
RS-TBOY and Radnorshire Tigers each scored 14 points.
And with the OFFL Cup beginning soon, have YOU made sure your team are firing on all cylinders...
A biography of Louis Van Goal is up for grabs don't forget - let's hope he's still in his job by the time of the Final.
========
OFFL Cup
--------
Weeks 21 & 22
Group A Manager Value
--------------------------------------------------
Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 51.5
Moobchester United Jon King 54.9
Seb Blattered Cod Gavin Ward 54.3
The Flying Geese Mandy Noble 53.9
Which Team Rachel Jones 53.3
It's a Snickers FC Ashley Keeler 49.6
Group B Manager Value
--------------------------------------------------
Pyeators Dave Clayton 53.7
Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.7
Moreton Rovers Edgar Rayner 54.6
Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 55.0
Irishpool Mike Smears 52.0
Bad Wolf United Karyn Meaden 54.1
Group C Manager Value
--------------------------------------------------
Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.8
Guess Hughton Nick Reed 53.9
Old Malcolm Academicals Malcolm Pratt 54.8
Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 51.5
Oak Hamsters Steve Tierney 51.3
Group D Manager Value
--------------------------------------------------
Com-a ma mau papa com-a ma Guy Harewood 52.1
RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 51.4
Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 53.2
Ali McMoist Alison Faulkner 54.9
Moanchester United Alex Blundell 54.9
The top four teams from each group go through. Results from Weeks 21 & 22 will be used.
---
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 51.5 2 190
2 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.8 7 158
3 Pyeators Dave Clayton 53.7 2 157
4 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood 52.1 1 145
5 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 54.7 2 144
6 Moobchester United Jon King 54.9 0 144
7 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 51.4 14 142
8 Guess Hughton Nick Reed 53.9 5 136
9 Seb Blattered Cod Gavin Ward 54.3 8 136
10 Old Malcolm Academicals Malcolm Pratt 54.8 5 127
11 Moreton Rovers Edgar Rayner 54.6 3 125
12 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 53.2 6 124
13 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 55.0 14 122
14 The Flying Geese Mandy Noble 53.9 12 120
15 Ali McMoist Alison Faulkner 54.9 10 115
16 Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 51.5 9 114
17 Which Team Rachel Jones 53.3 7 111
18 Irishpool Mike Smears 52.0 0 102
19 Oak Hamsters Steve Tierney 51.3 7 100
20 Moanchester United Alex Blundell 54.9 7 89
21 It's a Snickers FC Ashley Keeler 49.6 1 61
22 Bad Wolf United Karyn Meaden 54.1 5 57
Week's Average Points 5
Total Average Points 123
-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f
=============================
Which Team
-------------------
From: Rachel Jones
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Re: Edgar Rayner's Moreton Rovers
Oh how the mighty have fallen!!!!
With best regards,
Rachel Jones
----------------------
Chairman responds:
The Mighty? AND your Which Team would actually have to rise six places to get to where he's fallen. But apart from that... gloat away.
=============================
It's A Snickers
-------------------
From: Ashley Keeler
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject:
Hmm. This isn't going well... but with a vote of confidence from the board buoying my sprits I'm ready to fail in the cup too.
Can we just start this season again please?
OUT
105 B MyHill
394 A Williams
596 R Brady
209 M Haidara
302 L Koscielny
IN
138 P Cech
206 M Monreal
331 S Dann
336 V Kompany
445 R Mahrez
All the best to the chairman,
Ashley
It's a Snickers
----------------------
Chairman responds:
It's always about half way through the season that you seem to come out of managerial hibernation. Such a disappointment.
=============================
[After Transfer Deadline]
Radnorshire Tigers
-------------------
From: Alun Edwards
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject:
Dear Chairman,
For too many weeks we have been getting as many shots on target as a Villa striker, and my scouts are telling me about a young talent from Leicester. With mention of the cup - my own particular forte - I will send these transfers in before anyone else hears about this Vardy chap. You never know he might even score one of these days?
Team 4: Radnorshire Tigers
OUT:
207 FB K Trippier TOT 4.0
473 MF M Depay MU 5.4
506 MF T Walcott ARS 5.4
553 MF G Sigurdsson SWA 4.6
843 ST A Martial MU 6.9
684 ST S Aguero MC 8.4
IN:
280 A Kolarov FB MC £4.6
545 Willian MF CHE £4.2
445 R Mahrez MF LEI £3.8
836 K De Bruyne MF MC £5.4
719 R Lukaku ST EVE £6.8
614 J Vardy ST LEI £5.6
Thank you, Ally
----------------------
Chairman responds:
In a week where you win the Manager of the Week certificate you turf out half your team. Probably wise if you're going to defend that Cup title.
Wednesday, 2 September 2015
Week 04: Formal Apology
After the publication of last week's Studmarks, social media has been aflame with criticism of The OFFL and, in particular, OMG Chairman. The pressure has been so intense for an apology to be issued that the Chairman called us after a mysterious prang in his little silver Nissan Micra to request that we publish the following statement
---
And there you have it. Hopefully sincere enough to avoid any further dirtiness.
In the meantime, Manager of the Week this week is Alun Edwards. Alun's Radnorshire Tigers scored an impressive 18 points earning him the much-coveted Manager of the Week certificate.
It's in the post, Alun. And you've climbed eight places in the League.
Worthy of note is The First Transfer Of The Season Award which mockingly goes to Dave Clayton - mind you, one little look at his original team line-up and you're beginning to feel a lot of sympathy for him.
Oh and yes, MUST mention before we go... Current OFFL Champion Russ Bielby's weekly score... just saying and that, innit. A subsequent fall of seven places has been experienced.
Marvellous stuff everyone, keep it up do.
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 54.7 5 32
2 Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 54.0 10 30
3 Pyeators Dave Clayton 54.9 13 28
4 Guess Hughton Nick Reed 54.6 14 27
5 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.3 18 26
6 Seb Blattered Cod Gavin Ward 54.3 10 23
7 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 54.9 7 22
8 Ali McMoist Alison Faulkner 54.9 4 22
9 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.9 10 20
10 Moobchester United Jon King 54.6 10 19
11 Old Malcolm Academicals Malcolm Pratt 54.8 9 19
12 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood 54.7 2 16
13 Moreton Rovers Edgar Rayner 54.6 10 13
14 Moanchester United Alex Blundell 54.9 9 13
15 Bad Wolf United Karyn Meaden 54.8 4 12
16 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 55.0 -1 10
17 It's a Snickers FC Ashley Keeler 49.6 9 9
18 Irishpool Mike Smears 53.4 9 9
19 The Flying Geese Mandy Noble 53.9 6 6
20 Which Team Rachel Jones 53.3 3 3
21 Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 52.2 6 2
Week's Average Points 7
Total Average Points 17
-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f
=============================
Irishpool
-------------------
From: Mike Smears
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Esteemed Señor presidente!
Yeah, I’m back. I hope your summer was good -ours was pretty fine, weather a bit too good for once. But when it was too hot for touring it meant I had leisure hours to think up my new team.
Sadly at 99 years old, I am finding the challenge of websites, excel and tables defeats me. So may I humbly ask your assistance to load my selections up, please?
[Team Supplied]
I’m sorry I don’t have time for a rant just now but I’ll see if I can manage one the next week!
Thanks very much indeed for setting all this up and organising it. Hours of harmless pleasure lie ahead.
With all very good wishes to you and family
Mike
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Glad you could join us, Sir. The OFFL isn't quite the same without your regular venting of outrage. I'm glad you enjoy it.
=============================
Guess Houghton
-------------------
From: Nick Reed
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Hi Mr Chairman,
Was perusing my no-hopers and noticed that I have somehow gained Pedro in a cheeky 4-5-1 formation. Given his performance this week, I'm quite happy with that, however, I think on balance I'd prefer Costa in the regular 4-4-2...
Thanks Mr Chairman!
Nick
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Nothing to see here. Move along.
[MUFFLED SOUNDS OF A STRUGGLE INVOLVING BARE HANDS AND AN UMPA LUMPA'S THROAT]
----------------------
Nick responds:
Good discipline Mr Chairman, keep it up...
=============================
Pyeators
-------------------
From: Dave Clayton
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
PANIC PANIC PANIC !!!
Good evening Mr Chairman sir, changes must be made at this stupidly early time of the season i'm afraid......
205 Francis out - 270 Darmian in
304 Terry out - 336 Kompany in
420 Adam out - 558 Payet in
506 Walcott out - 417 Redmond in
Many thanks and big love!
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Well, I can understand it. But well, really! Are four weeks truly long enough to evaluate a player's point-scoring credentials? In your case, I suppose it is.
=============================
---
Dear OFFL Public
It has come to my attention that Week 3's edition of Studmarks may have caused offence and annoyance.
It was never our intention to imply that Norbert Dentressangle is guilty of smuggling Asylum Seekers illegally into a country that is so openly unsympathetic to the needs of such desperate human beings. This will not happen again.
We hope you find this free online voucher code for Shamazon.con satisfactory compensation for the ordeal you have suffered. Redeem at checkout.
Yours sincerely, The OFFL Chairman---
 |
| Pressure was applied to the Chairman |
In the meantime, Manager of the Week this week is Alun Edwards. Alun's Radnorshire Tigers scored an impressive 18 points earning him the much-coveted Manager of the Week certificate.
It's in the post, Alun. And you've climbed eight places in the League.
Worthy of note is The First Transfer Of The Season Award which mockingly goes to Dave Clayton - mind you, one little look at his original team line-up and you're beginning to feel a lot of sympathy for him.
Oh and yes, MUST mention before we go... Current OFFL Champion Russ Bielby's weekly score... just saying and that, innit. A subsequent fall of seven places has been experienced.
Marvellous stuff everyone, keep it up do.
T h e T a b l e
Value Points
Team Manager (GBPm)Wk Tot
--------------------------------------------------------
1 Neil's Diamonds Neil McConaghy 54.7 5 32
2 Minty's Minions Minty Colquhoun 54.0 10 30
3 Pyeators Dave Clayton 54.9 13 28
4 Guess Hughton Nick Reed 54.6 14 27
5 Radnorshire Tigers Alun Edwards 54.3 18 26
6 Seb Blattered Cod Gavin Ward 54.3 10 23
7 RS-TBOY Rick Beecroft 54.9 7 22
8 Ali McMoist Alison Faulkner 54.9 4 22
9 Inter Milandrover Smasher 54.9 10 20
10 Moobchester United Jon King 54.6 10 19
11 Old Malcolm Academicals Malcolm Pratt 54.8 9 19
12 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood 54.7 2 16
13 Moreton Rovers Edgar Rayner 54.6 10 13
14 Moanchester United Alex Blundell 54.9 9 13
15 Bad Wolf United Karyn Meaden 54.8 4 12
16 Livercoolio Russell Bielby 55.0 -1 10
17 It's a Snickers FC Ashley Keeler 49.6 9 9
18 Irishpool Mike Smears 53.4 9 9
19 The Flying Geese Mandy Noble 53.9 6 6
20 Which Team Rachel Jones 53.3 3 3
21 Real Mcdrid Craig McHugh 52.2 6 2
Week's Average Points 7
Total Average Points 17
-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s a n d s t u f f
=============================
Irishpool
-------------------
From: Mike Smears
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Esteemed Señor presidente!
Yeah, I’m back. I hope your summer was good -ours was pretty fine, weather a bit too good for once. But when it was too hot for touring it meant I had leisure hours to think up my new team.
Sadly at 99 years old, I am finding the challenge of websites, excel and tables defeats me. So may I humbly ask your assistance to load my selections up, please?
[Team Supplied]
I’m sorry I don’t have time for a rant just now but I’ll see if I can manage one the next week!
Thanks very much indeed for setting all this up and organising it. Hours of harmless pleasure lie ahead.
With all very good wishes to you and family
Mike
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Glad you could join us, Sir. The OFFL isn't quite the same without your regular venting of outrage. I'm glad you enjoy it.
=============================
Guess Houghton
-------------------
From: Nick Reed
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Hi Mr Chairman,
Was perusing my no-hopers and noticed that I have somehow gained Pedro in a cheeky 4-5-1 formation. Given his performance this week, I'm quite happy with that, however, I think on balance I'd prefer Costa in the regular 4-4-2...
Thanks Mr Chairman!
Nick
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Nothing to see here. Move along.
[MUFFLED SOUNDS OF A STRUGGLE INVOLVING BARE HANDS AND AN UMPA LUMPA'S THROAT]
----------------------
Nick responds:
Good discipline Mr Chairman, keep it up...
=============================
Pyeators
-------------------
From: Dave Clayton
To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
PANIC PANIC PANIC !!!
Good evening Mr Chairman sir, changes must be made at this stupidly early time of the season i'm afraid......
205 Francis out - 270 Darmian in
304 Terry out - 336 Kompany in
420 Adam out - 558 Payet in
506 Walcott out - 417 Redmond in
Many thanks and big love!
----------------------
Chairman responds:
Well, I can understand it. But well, really! Are four weeks truly long enough to evaluate a player's point-scoring credentials? In your case, I suppose it is.
=============================
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