Week 12: Local Hero

You can't miss it.

Mr Edgar Rayner is this week's Manager of the Week with his Moreton Rovers scoring a rather large 18 points.  This pushes him into eighth, a magnetic rise of six places.  Putting North Moreton on the map there.

Near Didcot.

(Which is near Oxford)

(Big Chubby Chimneys amongst the hills along the A34 in Oxfordshire and that)

As I say... On. The. Map.

Congratulations, by the by, to Minty Colquhoun who was the first manager to get to 100 points last week.  But does she rest on her Stan Laurels, kick back and enjoy the view from the top for a bit?  Does she heck... she only goes and makes some transfers [see below].

She's good that one.  Somebody watch her will you?

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 16 116

 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 17 115

 3 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 10  99

 4 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  9  98

 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 12  93

 6 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  9  86

 7 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  4  85

 8 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 18  84

 9 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.9  8  79

10 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 11  79

11 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.8  5  78

12 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 11  76

13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9  7  75

14 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  8  75

15 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  1  67

16 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  7  63

17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  6  60

18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.5 10  48

19 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  3  44

20 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  9  43

21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  7  43

22 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3 17  33

                              Week's Average Points     9

                              Total Average Points     74

---

-----------------------------

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

=============================

RS-TBOY

-------------------

   From: Rick Beecroft

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

Hi [Chair],

Injury subs for the next month… got to be done (reluctantly)

OUT

Aguero

Chadli

IN

603 Kane

445 Mahrez

Cinkyou pleze

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Getting Kaned.  As usual.

=============================

Minty's Minions

-------------------

   From: Minty Colquhoun

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

OUT

Walcott

Aguero

IN

558 Payet

614 Vardy

----------------------

Chairman responds:

So wise.  So, so wise.

=============================

Week10 & 11: Grieving for the Brodge.

Time's up, Mr Brendans.  Get out.

Rumour has it that these are troubled times over at Livercoolio HQ.  The Bright New Dawn that was The Brodge [a.k.a. Rodger Brendans] at Liverpool has turned into an afternoon of muddy, slushy disappointment.  Chin up though, Mr Big Fan Bielby.  The German's are coming to save the day.  At least Herr Klopp is a tad more entertaining than Mr Brendans in front of the Match of the Day cameras.

And that was reason enough to get rid of him in our book.  But how is the BRuss coping at the helm of Livercoolio?

Well according to close colleague and former friend Rick Beecroft [RS-TBoy],

"He thinks he’s bearing up ok… Showing no signs of weakness... in conversation but it’s a ‘press conference mask’. Given the fact he’s subbed half of his squad already… we know there are grass root problems at Livercoolio HQ.  First year we've not had a tenner on it and look how it shows... Brodge had to go, Russ reckons he should have had more time – more time to what? Lose more weight?"

...a stinging assessment for sure.  And one that was made before it was revealed that Russell Bielby is this week's Manager of the Week.

Yes. Livercoolio scored a Russnificent 24 points. In view of the fact that Mr Bielby didn't win a single Manager of the Week certificate on his way to winning the Championship last season we can't help but think that this minor victory hasn't put the kibosh on this season's 'project' for glory.

He can't make it three seasons in a row can he?

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 11 100
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 12  98
 3 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 16  89
 4 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    55.0  4  89
 5 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 21  81
 6 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 11  81
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  77
 8 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  7  73
 9 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.9 16  71
10 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   53.9 16  68
11 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 24  68
12 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  1  67
13 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 21  66
14 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  4  66
15 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 10  65
16 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  8  56
17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  5  54
18 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  3  41
19 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.5 12  38
20 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2 13  36
21 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  9  34
22 Oak Hamsters               Steve Tierney   51.3 16  16


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points     65

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Honourable Mr President

How can I fail to respond to your hint? Let Aguero be recruited. Not being one of those who think all ills are cured by sacking the manager [no, I don’t agree with their decision] I shall shift the team around.

So, Young Man, please be so good as to effect the following transfers. I do not wish Irishpool to linger in this lowly position any longer.

IN
492 Milner
684 Aguero

OUT
543 Oscar
738 Benteke.

And I shall expect an elevated league position in future

Thank you as always, 

Bombastic from Bassett


=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dear Mr Presidente

OOps!

What are the rules - may i change my mind about my proposed transfer as we haven’t reached Monday?

Hearing that Aguero has been injured, may I withdraw my change, thus:

OUT
684 Aguero

IN
624 Sanchez

Yours humbly (for once)

Bedraggled of Bassett


----------------------
Chairman responds:
That's more like it.  Bit of pleading goes a long way.

=============================

Oak Hamsters
-------------------
   From: Steve Tierney
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Late, Late, Late

Hey [HRH Chairman]

Here is my ridiculously LATE LATE LATE team for the league. If I don’t come last it will be an achievement. Plus – your spreadsheet is bust...so i had to cobble it together...if there are any errors, it’s not my fault.

So, presenting to you.....OAK HAMSTERS

POSITION PIN NAME TEAM VALUE
GK 121 J Hart MC 4.3
FB 206 Monreal ARS 4.3
FB 270 Darmian MU 4.3
CB 384 Dier TOT 4.1
CB 336 Kompany MC 4.6
MF 575 Walcott ARS 5.4
MF 516 Barkley EVE 4.1
MF 445 Mahrez LEI 3.8
MF 836 De BruyneMC 5.4
ST 633 Pelle SOT 6.5
ST 614 Vardy LEI 5.6

Good luck to me x

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Spreadsheet is not bust.  It can't be.  You're obviously a bit mad.  Welcome to the OFFL.

=============================

Oak Hamsters
-------------------
   From: Steve Tierney
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Oops - clearly 3 X man city players doesn't work.

Can you take out de bruyne 836 and pop in

465 Mane SOT

I think I'm legal

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You'll never be fully legal.

=============================

Neil's Diamonds
-------------------
   From: Neil McConaghy
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Transfers Please.

Dear Chairman

I have returned from my brief spell of (successfully) coaching the English rugby team out of contention for the World Cup. With those targets met, I am able to return all of my attention to Neil's Diamonds and I see that I need to make some changes:

Out:
117  F Forster   
322  P Jones 
483  J Shelvey   

In:
114 H Lloris
331 S Dann
465 S Mane

Thanking you

Mr Diamonds

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Well, congratulations.  May you repeat your losing feat for the Diamonds.  Looks like you're trying very hard at least.  Dann?  Lloris?  Madness.

=============================

Week 09: Raining, Reigning, Reining

She's not giving it up lightly is she?  That Minty.  And the League's Top Spot.

Outside it might be raining in Fantasyland right now but super-sunny Minty's Minions, who are currently reigning in the Table, score a large 25 points this week reining in last week's League Leaders Pyeators.

Hmm.  That's all we've got for you this week really.  It's not much we know but you might be interested to hear that the Managers of the Week this week are Nick Reed and Smasher of Guess Hughton and Inter Milandrover respectively.  Both teams scored a massive Aguero-induced 28 points.

Finally, perusing all the teams' week's scores, what's the betting Mike Smears doesn't have the 5-goal Argentine striker in his Irishpool line-up.  Splutter.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 25  89

 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 12  86

 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 27  85

 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9 28  73

 5 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8 28  70

 6 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 20  67

 7 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9 24  66

 8 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7 14  66

 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 22  62

10 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 24  60

11 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    53.9 16  55

12 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 12  55

13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9 12  52

14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 20  49

15 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 10  48

16 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 22  45

17 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7 12  44

18 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8 13  38

19 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4 -4  26

20 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  0  25

21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2 12  23

                              Week's Average Points    16

                              Total Average Points     56

---

-----------------------------

T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

=============================

Radnorshire Tigers

-------------------

   From: Alun Edwards

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Good morning! Somehow I seem to have Aguero in my side, quite amazing considering my usual team selection policy of – well, I’m not sure what our policy is!

Time to clear out some dead wood:

OUT

10 632   ST  R Lambert         WBA   6.2

IN

843 ST A Martial     MU   £6.9 

Lambert seems like a very good swap at this stage of the season!

And can I ask why has my Petr Cech been penalised compared with every other team’s:   1 138 GK P Cech ARS 4.2 -1 6 instead of “7” points?

Ally

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Yeah sorry about the confusion, Sir... Your team wasn't resubmitted after the first week.  In that first week Cech scored minus 1 while the rest of your team, as a whole, netted a plus score.  If we had resubmitted your team then Cech would have been on 7 [last week] but your team would now be on 1 point less than you are.  Did any of that make sense?  It was part of OFFL's Fair Play policy designed to protect early submitters.  It just confused everyone.  Trust me, you're better off as you are.  Unlike the Umpa Lumpa who thought up the idea - he was killed with a sponge on Thursday.

Excellent transferrage skills by the way.

=============================

RS-TBOY

-------------------

   From: Richard Beecroft

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subs time… By ek

IN

638  Aguero

558 D Payet

331 S Dann

OUT

Rooney

Toure

Lescott

Merci Bon

Kind Regards

Rick

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Done.  Transfers to celebrate your anniversary by any chance?

=============================

Week 08: Pye in the Sky

Pye in the Sky

Manager of the Week this week is Dave Clayton.  His Pyeators thumped home 26 massive points to seize the League's top spot from Minty's Minions.  Pyeators now lead by 10 clear points.  Gavin Ward's Seb Blattered Cod fall furthest, seven places, into fourteenth while Big Mally's Malcolm Academicals rise six places into seventh.

Keep those panicked transfers stumbling in.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 26  74
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0  7  64
 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3  9  58
 4 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7 10  52
 5 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  5  47
 6 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       53.9  9  45
 7 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8 17  43
 8 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.8  9  42
 9 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  6  42
10 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  7  40
11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9 17  40
12 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7  6  39
13 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  8  38
14 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  0  36
15 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  54.7  9  32
16 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4 10  30
17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  5  29
18 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  6  25
19 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  4  25
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  4  23
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  2  11


                              Week's Average Points     8
                              Total Average Points     39
---

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Moreton Rovers
-------------------
   From: Edgar Rayner
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Manager of the Week

Thanks Mr. Chairman, clearly I will delight in this moment, maybe even milk it in the knowledge that it's all down league from here.
ps Good luck

----------------------
Chairman responds:
This is YOUR season - I can feel it.  And thank you.

=============================

Com-a ma mau papa com-a mau
-------------------
   From: Guy Harewood
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Chair-chimp,

Please can I swop crocked J Henderson for Mr Mahrez (445) who I hope will not stop his free scoring antics now he has been accepted into the Com-a ma mau papa com-a mau mau  All Star Campions Elect XI.

Ray

----------------------
Chairman responds:
He seems to have stopped.  Nice one.

=============================

Livercoolio
-------------------
   From: Russell Bielby
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Livercoolio transfers

No time for chit chat, just enough time for transfers.

OUT
ST 607 C Wilson BOU £5.6

IN
ST 614 Vardy    LEI £5.6

The Brussell

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You're a busy man.  What with trying to salvage your season and all.

=============================