Week 07: No 'Manager of the Week' for Minty Shock

Minions Fail to Deliver Manager of the Week

Manager of the Week this week is NOT Minty Colquhoun.  Which is all some of us need to know.  Tradition has it however that the ACTUAL Manager of the Month step forward and thus, forward-stepping, comes Edgar Rayner.  His Moreton Rovers have scored a massive 15 points, moving themselves up five places into ninth in the league.

Congratulations Mr Rayner.  S'marvellous.

Now if you could all just settle down and get some sleep, the management would be most grateful.


---

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0  9  57
 2 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 14  49
 3 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9 11  48
 4 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 13  42
 5 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  9  42
 6 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  5  36
 7 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  5  36
 8 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9 10  36
 9 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 15  33
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7 11  33
11 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  4  33
12 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 14  30
13 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  5  26
14 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 12  24
15 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 14  23
16 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  1  23
17 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8 11  21
18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4  1  20
19 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  3  19
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 11  19
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  6   9


                              Week's Average Points     8
                              Total Average Points     31

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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
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Guess Hughton
-------------------
   From: Nick Reed
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Hmm - Guess Hughton not matching up to the performance of it's namesakes' charges. Do I prefer that or personal glory? Good question; let's see if these changes can help bring the latter too...
Schweinsteiger (what was I thinking!?) and Bolasie out
Payet (558) and Barkley (516) in
Thanks
Nick

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You're going to be UNBEARABLE if Brighton & Hove Albion get promoted to the Premiership at the end of this season, aren't you?

=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Dammit, Mr President!

First you change the rules and then you go and injure one of my players. Intolerable.

Please be so good as to make the following transfer, Young Man. And I shall monitor your future behaviour.

OUT 
275 Shaw

IN 
270 Darmian


Yours bombastically

Bristling from Bassett.

----------------------
Chairman responds:
I look forward to being thoroughly monitored.

=============================

Livercoolio
-------------------
   From: Russell Bielby
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: LIVERCOOLIO TRANSFERS PLEASE

Hello Mr Chairman,

I hope this email finds you well.

Now that I have got my voice back (been suffering from early season shock)… and to clear the air… I am not in the slightest bit bitter that the rule of “the season will start after the second Saturday” changed without notification. I mean I am quite simply just not a sore loser at all… I think it was a perfectly reasonable change without telling anyone.

To more serious matters… unfortunately the COOLIO team is not performing to expectations at the moment so me and “The Brodge” have joined forces to try and save our heads from getting an early chop. Here goes…

OUT
GK 141 S Given STO £3.3
MF 473 M Depay MU £5.4
MF 583 M Albrighton LEI £3.6
MF 555 R Firmino LIV £4.8
ST 624 A Sanchez ARS £7.5
ST 684 S Aguero MC £8.4

IN
GK 138 P Cech ARS £4.2
MF 445 R Mahrez LEI £3.8
MF 517 E Hazard CHE £6.8
MF 836 K De Bruyne MC £5.4
ST 843 A Martial MU £6.9
ST 607 C Wilson BOU £5.6

Look forward to some more rules breaking though soon – maybe a triple points weekend, or perhaps a no points for northerners weekend or Random Bonus Week would be good suggestions ;) hehe

Ya friendly not bitter (no not at all) scouse
The BRussell J

----------------------
Chairman responds:
I sense much anger in you.  TRIPLE POINT WEEKEND COMING SOON!

=============================

Inter Milandrover
-------------------
   From: Smasher
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar

Lescott OUT
388 MacAuley IN

Henderson OUT
506 Walcott IN

Rooney OUT
843 Martial IN

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Dull, dull, dull.

=============================

Week 05 & 06: Bunch of Currants

Well this is quite something... Minty Colquhoun is Manager of the Week yet again.  And this week, it's by quite some distance.  18 points for her Minions which is nearly twice as many as the nearest challenger to the Certificate.  She breezes past Neil's tarnished Diamonds into First place in the League.

While that first paragraph didn't quite live up to its opening sentence, we can point out that Livercoolio, our current Champions, are currently mirroring the current Premiership's current Champions' current fortunes, currantly.  They have again achieved a minus score.

Raisin hopes for this season's pretenders to the sultanate.

In fact, we've just heard it through the OFFL Grapevine that giggling can be heard from Beeky Towers.

And just as Mike Smears dispatches his first Rant of the Season [see below] his Irishpool have jumped up five places in the League, more than any other.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 18  48
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    53.9  9  37
 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3  9  35
 4 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  1  33
 5 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  8  31
 6 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  4  31
 7 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  29
 8 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9  9  29
 9 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  4  26
10 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7  6  22
11 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  0  22
12 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  2  21
13 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4 10  19
14 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  5  18
15 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  7  16
16 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  3  16
17 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  9  12
18 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8 -2  10
19 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 -1   9
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  2   8
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  1   3


                              Week's Average Points     5
                              Total Average Points     22


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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Señor presidente

This is monstrous! No sooner had my zimmer frame touched the ground, after a frantic interlude lying on a beach for 6 weeks, than I switched on the gas and made for the computer - only to find that you had once again allowed these young managers to start scoring points in my absence. Outrageous!

But it is no good reaching the age of 98 without becoming more cunning: I have found a solution. Having studied your rules, I find that nowhere do they specify that you have to include a goalie and defenders in your team. So I shall transfer all of them out and have 11 strikers. That will increase my goal tally and avoid any minus points for goals conceded.

So THERE, young man!

Bristling from Bassett

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Amendments have been made.  Now eat up your breakfast and read the paper.

=============================

OFFL Cup Winners Prize Received

Champ-io-nes! The Office Fantasy Football League champions 2014-2015, many thanks Chairman Smash O'Little!
Posted by Alun Edwards on Thursday, 3 September 2015

Week 04: Formal Apology

After the publication of last week's Studmarks, social media has been aflame with criticism of The OFFL and, in particular, OMG Chairman.  The pressure has been so intense for an apology to be issued that the Chairman called us after a mysterious prang in his little silver Nissan Micra to request that we publish the following statement

---

Dear OFFL Public 

It has come to my attention that Week 3's edition of Studmarks may have caused offence and annoyance. 

It was never our intention to imply that Norbert Dentressangle is guilty of smuggling Asylum Seekers illegally into a country that is so openly unsympathetic to the needs of such desperate human beings. This will not happen again. 

We hope you find this free online voucher code for Shamazon.con satisfactory compensation for the ordeal you have suffered.  Redeem at checkout. 

Yours sincerely, The OFFL Chairman

---

Pressure was applied to the Chairman

And there you have it.  Hopefully sincere enough to avoid any further dirtiness.

In the meantime, Manager of the Week this week is Alun Edwards.  Alun's Radnorshire Tigers scored an impressive 18 points earning him the much-coveted Manager of the Week certificate.

It's in the post, Alun.  And you've climbed eight places in the League.

Worthy of note is The First Transfer Of The Season Award which mockingly goes to Dave Clayton - mind you, one little look at his original team line-up and you're beginning to feel a lot of sympathy for him.

Oh and yes, MUST mention before we go... Current OFFL Champion Russ Bielby's weekly score... just saying and that, innit.  A subsequent fall of seven places has been experienced.

Marvellous stuff everyone, keep it up do.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  5  32
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 10  30
 3 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    54.9 13  28
 4 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6 14  27
 5 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 18  26
 6 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 10  23
 7 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9  7  22
 8 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  4  22
 9 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10  20
10 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 10  19
11 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  9  19
12 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7  2  16
13 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 10  13
14 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  9  13
15 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  4  12
16 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 -1  10
17 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  9   9
18 Irishpool                  Mike Smears     53.4  9   9
19 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9  6   6
20 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3  3   3
21 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.2  6   2


                              Week's Average Points     7
                              Total Average Points     17


-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Irishpool
-------------------
   From: Mike Smears
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Esteemed Señor presidente!

Yeah, I’m back. I hope your summer was good -ours was pretty fine, weather a bit too good for once. But when it was too hot for touring it meant I had leisure hours to think up my new team.

Sadly at 99 years old, I am finding the challenge of websites, excel and tables defeats me. So may I humbly ask your assistance to load my selections up, please?  

[Team Supplied]

I’m sorry I don’t have time for a rant just now but I’ll see if I can manage one the next week!

Thanks very much indeed for setting all this up and organising it. Hours of harmless pleasure lie ahead.  

With all very good wishes to you and family

Mike

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Glad you could join us, Sir.  The OFFL isn't quite the same without your regular venting of outrage.  I'm glad you enjoy it.

=============================

Guess Houghton
-------------------
   From: Nick Reed
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Hi Mr Chairman,

Was perusing my no-hopers and noticed that I have somehow gained Pedro in a cheeky 4-5-1 formation. Given his performance this week, I'm quite happy with that, however, I think on balance I'd prefer Costa in the regular 4-4-2...

Thanks Mr Chairman!

Nick

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Nothing to see here. Move along.

[MUFFLED SOUNDS OF A STRUGGLE INVOLVING BARE HANDS AND AN UMPA LUMPA'S THROAT]

----------------------
Nick responds:
Good discipline Mr Chairman, keep it up...

=============================

Pyeators
-------------------
   From: Dave Clayton
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

PANIC PANIC PANIC !!!

Good evening Mr Chairman sir, changes must be made at this stupidly early time of the season i'm afraid......

205 Francis out - 270 Darmian in
304 Terry out - 336 Kompany in
420 Adam out - 558 Payet in
506 Walcott out - 417 Redmond in

Many thanks and big love! 

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Well, I can understand it.  But well, really! Are four weeks truly long enough to evaluate a player's point-scoring credentials?  In your case, I suppose it is.


=============================

Week 03: Welcome to a Better Life

Championship-winning manager of yore, Guy Harewood,
desperate to get into the OFFL for a better life

Like the Swarming Immigrants that are currently terrorising our civilised shores, so the returning OFFL Managers cling to the rattling carriage roofs of this Fantasy Football train as it hurtles towards a delusionally better Fantasy life.

Clambering over the ineffective razor wire, for example, is Guy Harewood, a Championship-winning manager of yore who currently manages trees from his armchair in Tillicoultry.

Scrambling under the pulled-up bottom of a chain link fence and disappearing into the darkness of freedom is Rachel Jones too, as she herds her 11 illegals into this most giving of Leagues.

And look! Hurtling westward along the M20, nestling uncomfortably amongst the latest shipment of boxed TVs in the back of one of Norbert Dentressangle's finest assets is the Family Wilson - desperately clutching their pre-filled Housing Benefit forms.

And over there, clogging up that NHS queue, Malcolm Pratt is shiftily looking to steal that rather tempting hospital bed from under the noses of that efficient and eagled-eyed Health Trust middle management.

And finally, stealing one of our jobs in the Sweatshop, Sexslave & Domestic Cleaners industry is Ashley Keeler, returning to the OFFL highways and byways for another season of hopeless street-walking.

And the Chairman himself returning from another foreign scouting mission, swooping into Gatwick or Heathrow, from over the rolling hills and the open-spaced patchwork of greens that make up the South East of England - How could he possibly blurt out that OFFL Land 'DOESN'T HAVE ANY MORE ROOM!'?  Or that 'WE'RE FULL UP!'?

Because it simply isn't true.

So, come on you.  Come on in.  You're welcome. Wherever you're from.  Have a cup of tea.

Biscuit?

Right, now bloody get on with it and Select Your Team.

Manager of the Week is Minty Colquhoun again, her Minions scored 20 points for her team.  She's now a healthy second - just under the bulging biceps of our leader, Neil McConaghy and his Neil's Diamonds.

Anyone tempted to make a transfer yet?

---

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7 10  27
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 20  20
 3 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  9  18
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    51.4  4  15
 5 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9 15  15
 6 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7 14  14
 7 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       52.2 10  13
 8 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 13  13
 9 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 11  11
10 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   51.3  4  10
11 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10  10
12 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  9   9
13 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 -1   8
14 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  1   8
15 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  4   4
16 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    51.1 -3   3
17 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  6   0
18 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.6 21   0
19 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 10   0
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 14   0


                              Week's Average Points     9
                              Total Average Points      9
---

Studmarks: OFFL Week 03
Read in Courier/Courier New 10pt font.

S      T      U      D      M      A      R      K      S
---------------------------------------------------------
      The Office Fantasy Football League 2015/2016
---------------------------------------------------------
                         Week 03
                (Week ending 23rd August)

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7 10  27
 2 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 20  20
 3 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  9  18
 4 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    51.4  4  15
 5 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9 15  15
 6 Com-a ma mau papa com-a mauGuy Harewood    54.7 14  14
 7 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       52.2 10  13
 8 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3 13  13
 9 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 11  11
10 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   51.3  4  10
11 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 10  10
12 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6  9   9
13 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3 -1   8
14 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  1   8
15 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9  4   4
16 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    51.1 -3   3
17 It's a Snickers FC         Ashley Keeler   49.6  6   0
18 Real Mcdrid                Craig McHugh    52.6 21   0
19 Which Team                 Rachel Jones    53.3 10   0
20 The Flying Geese           Mandy Noble     53.9 14   0


                              Week's Average Points     9
                              Total Average Points      9

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Real Mcdrid
-------------------
   From: Craig McHugh
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: Late again boy....!!!!

Morning sir

Hope you are well and life is fab and down right groovy at la maison Chair?

As usual i’m keeping up with tradition and allowing everyone a head start before i make a late race for the title.  Attached are my specially selected bunch, which i’m sure will do me proud.   'Every little helps' - Tesco.  Our sponsor for this year…  

All the best, over and out :-)


----------------------
Chairman responds:
As I may have intimated earlier, we're a Lidl crowd around here.  You posho.

=============================

Which Team
-------------------
   From: Rachel Jones
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Afternoon..

#It’s taken me a while to get Which Team off the ground again.. but here it is..

[Team Enclosed]

Expect to be at the top next week!! NOT

With best regards,
Rachel Jones

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Get your Siemens technology all over that. 

=============================

Flying Geese
-------------------
   From: Mandy Noble
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Hi, am I too late to join in?

----------------------
Chairman responds:
You're late, yes.  But not too late.  Especially if you can stop those pesky Bielbys from achieving any sort of success this season.

=============================

Week 02: Walking Amongst Us

OMG Chairman mingling at his local Waitrose

It's not often that Our Most Gracious Chairman mixes with the riff raff at his local Waitrose. He has loftier ambitions for his grocery shopping and tends to tolerate the retailer as a way of keeping the New Money out of Lidl.  Sometimes, however, he is forced to abandon his petty purchasing principles in order to mingle with the muggles - something akin to what Russell Bielby has decided to do this week... indeed, it is an obligatory pleasure to welcome back last season's OFFL Champion - we're honoured to have him walk amongst us and allow us the experience of multiple boo & hiss repression.

With six other OFFL Championship-winning Managers competing in the League [so far] this season, OFFL HQ commentators are expecting high quality managerial manoeuvrings.

And on that note, there have been some last minute rejiggings and re-jostlings.  Consequently, this has have seen last week's Manager of the Week Certificate Winner, Minty Colquhoun, slump to ninth in the table. A resubmission of her team has meant an interesting new future for Minty's Men [in spite of the loss of last week's table-topping, MotW certificate-winning 2 points].  All of last week's Managers with teams on less than zero have had their teams resubmitted enabling them to start afresh while others are still joining the league.

It all makes sense to someone somewhere. [EYES SHIFT TO A CHAIRMAN-SHAPED SILHOUETTE AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM]

Manager of the Week is Neil McConaghy - his Diamonds netted a marvellous 16 points putting themselves firmly at the top of the pile.

We say 'Firmly'.  We mean 'Temporarily'.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7 16  17
 2 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    54.9 11  11
 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3  8   9
 4 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  8   9
 5 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8  7   7
 6 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6  6   6
 7 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  6   6
 8 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6  3   3
 9 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.0 31   0
10 Seb Blattered Cod          Gavin Ward      54.3  4   0
11 Moobchester United         Jon King        54.6 17   0
12 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.9 22   0
13 RS-TBOY                    Rick Beecroft   54.9 15   0
14 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 -1   0
15 Livercoolio                Russell Bielby  55.0 23   0


                              Week's Average Points    11
                              Total Average Points      4
---

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T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f

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Seb Blattered Cod

-------------------

   From: Gavin Ward

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Ack! Where'd the week go. I carefully planned a team ahead of the season and waited in the wings only to miss not just the dummy run 1st week but to also the opportunity to score negative points in the first scoring week. Please find attached the newly arranged Seb Blattered Cods football team¦

----------------------

Chairman responds:

You're welcome.

=============================

Moobchester United

-------------------

   From: Jonathan King

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com 

Morning Sir,

Here is my team attached.  Hoping for a better season this time around.

Regards,

Jon

----------------------

Chairman responds:

I should think so too.  Fourteenth last season.  Plenty of room for improvement there. Thirteen, in fact.

=============================

Livercoolio

-------------------

   From: Russell Bielby

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: TEAM LIVERCOOLIO

Bonjour Monsieur Offl Chairman !!

 

OFFL Commitment is not everything for most people… whilst cooking in the burning sunshine on the French coast of La Rochelle… mais non… pour moi… SADLY… IT IS… !!

 

So… here is Team Livercoolio unveiled… what a rum looking lot !! 

[Team enclosed]

 

Nuts I know… but you gotta start somewhere.

 

Au Revoir and Good Luck Fellow Footballigans !!

The Brodge aka The Ruselby

Ya Friendly Scouse :D

 

P.S. Can’t believe you tricked us by saying the scoring starts after the 2nd Samedi !! Unbelievable !!

----------------------

Chairman responds:

As it was such a g'dawful week for OFFL scoring last week, it was decided that the managers who had made the effort to submit their team for the beginning of the season deserve to keep their points. "Goalhanger managers", like those who suddenly decide that Vincent Kompany is a good idea to have in their defence for example, will have to make do with playing catch up.  Didn't seem to do Livercoolio any harm last season, and I'm sure it won't this season.

=============================

Com-a ma mau papa com-a mau mau

-------------------

   From: Guy Harewood

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

OK Sonny [Chairman],

Here it is!!!!

[Team Enclosed]

This season I shall refer to myself as Ray Moan. 

Love,

Ray

----------------------

Chairman responds:

I look forward to fully understanding the reason behind this identity adjustment.

=============================

It's a Snickers FC

-------------------

   From: Ashley Keeler

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: 

Dear Chairman,

I'm not sure I'm ever going to have a handle on this football lark.  

As per most seasons I suspect I'm several weeks late but I won't let that dampen my spirits.

I'm a shoe in for the double.  

Here we go then.

All the best,

Ashley Keeler

It's a Snickers FC

----------------------

Chairman responds:

Dry spirits and a delusional sense of renewed enthusiasm. Perfect pre-season prep.

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The Flying Geese

-------------------

   From: Mandy Noble

     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Subject: The Flying Geese15_16.xls

Hi, am I too late to join in?

----------------------

Chairman responds:

As long as you stop those Bielbys from winning anything you'll never be too late to join.

=============================

Week 01: Fighting Injustice

The Chairman, fighting injustice with his old cellmates

Now, now. On behalf of Our Most Gracious Chairman, let us explain...

These are the first results - due to popular demand [splutter].

While we did explain that we would start scoring after the second week it has become clear that those who have bothered entering on time deserve a little more 'Service'.

Hence the published table.

While others are waiting to see how the first couple of weeks shape up before committing to their eleven, those brave few were being penalised - well, those who start off with a minus score are at any rate.  In past seasons, it was possible, in theory, for some latecomer to enter exactly the same team as an 'On-timer' and be above them in the league merely by choosing their team late.

OMG Chairman says "No!" to this injustice.  Therefore, the OFFL Umpa-Lumpas have been instructed to automatically resubmit any team with a minus score so far.  And to CONTINUE scoring.

We refer any naysayers [to be fair, they won't be getting this] to the section of this email marked RULES.  Particularly the bit about the Chairman being right  all the time.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                       Manager       (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Minty's Minions            Minty Colquhoun 54.9  2   2
 2 Inter Milandrover          Smasher         54.1  1   1
 3 Radnorshire Tigers         Alun Edwards    54.3  1   1
 4 Neil's Diamonds            Neil McConaghy  54.7  1   1
 5 Ali McMoist                Alison Faulkner 54.9  1   1
 6 Old Malcolm Academicals    Malcolm Pratt   54.8  0   0
 7 Moreton Rovers             Edgar Rayner    54.6 -1  -1
 8 Bad Wolf United            Karyn Meaden    54.8 -1  -1
 9 Moanchester United         Alex Blundell   54.9 -2  -2
10 Pyeators                   Dave Clayton    54.9 -3  -3
11 Guess Hughton              Nick Reed       54.6 -4  -4


                              Week's Average Points    -1
                              Total Average Points     -1

-----------------------------
T r a n s f e r s   a n d   s t u f f
=============================

Old Malcolm Academicals
-------------------
   From: Malcolm Pratt
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Hi Chair,

New name   Old Malcolm Academicals

Here we are again!!! 

M

[Team Enclosed]
----------------------
Chairman responds:
And you, Sir, are always welcome.  Expecially if you promise to snatch Defeat away from Victory again, like you did last season.

=============================

Neil's Diamonds
-------------------
   From: Neil McConaghy
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com 

Team selected in record time I think (see attached). Thanking you as always for what will be a marvellous OFFL season I'm sure. 

Neil's Diamonds

----------------------
Chairman responds:
*Flaps embarrassed hand in Neil's direction* oh doppit, you silly.

=============================

Radnorshire Tigers
-------------------
   From: Alun Edwards
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Loved reading the blog, really made me laugh out loud.

I have to run from the country (something about renewed allegations of my involvement in grass-roots on behalf of FIFA), so I would miss your deadline if I don?t post this now. The fees will be left in a brown envelope in the usual place ? I am sure you remember where!

 Team Name: Radnorshire Tigers

Cheers Ally

[Team Enclosed]


----------------------
Chairman responds:
Brown Envelope?  Isn't he an alleged associate of Chuck Blazer?

=============================

Neil's Diamonds
-------------------
   From: Neil McConaghy
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

.... should have double checked the football latest before selecting team #wilshereinjuredagain :/


----------------------
Chairman responds:
Plenty of time.  You could even submit your entire team again and lose only a point.

=============================

Guess Hughton
-------------------
   From: Nick Reed
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com

Boom!

Something to enjoy between my radio appearances?

Much love

N

[Team Enclosed]

----------------------
Chairman responds:
Brighton and Hove Albion inspiring you to yet another top Team Name I see.  They never fail you.  Well, not in that way at any rate.  We look forward to the ukulele follow up to your hit 'Stay Poyet Stay'.

=============================

RS-TBOY
-------------------
   From: Richard Beecroft
     To: Chairman@LittleSmasher.com
Subject: 

Sir [Chairman],

As our local butchers says ‘Please to meet you, meat to please you!’. Hope all is well mate, please herewith findus my teamus.  I’m away next week so going to have to take a punt with my squad, fingers crossed no injuries.

All the breast

Kindus Regardsus Maximus

Rick


----------------------
Chairman responds:
I'm sure they'll all be fine.  For the first part of the season - then you might want to consider feeding them something other than findus.  Or haven't I been paying attention again?

=============================